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People Are Funny – Ten true stories guaranteed to make you laugh
*WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?*
- AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.
- *WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:*
Police in Oakland , CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, ‘Please come out and give yourself up.’ - *WHAT WAS PLAN B?*
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. - *THE GETAWAY!*
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.5. *DID I SAY THAT?*
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: ‘Give me all your money or I’ll shoot’, the man shouted, ‘that’s not what I said!’ - *ARE WE COMMUNICATING?*
A man spoke frantically into the phone: ‘My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart’. ‘Is this her first child?’ the doctor asked. ‘No!’ the man shouted, ‘This is her husband!’ - *HERE’S A MEATY STORY* A New Jersey man whose last name is Bacon was arrested after a dispute over sausage, according to police.
Thomas Bacon, 19, allegedly attacked another person at a Madison home on May 12 for eating the last piece of sausage. Bacon was charged with simple assault and released pending a court appearance. The man Bacon attacked said when being interviwed “Bacon is a weenie!”
- *AND HERE’S ANOTHER STORY ABOUT WHAT’S IN A NAME*
Equifax, a credit reporting agency, lost a whole lot of money because they didn’t believe in God.
A New York City man whose first name is God has settled a lawsuit with Equifax because they had refused to recognize his name as legitimate. Under the agreement reached in a Brooklyn federal court this week, Equifax will enter God Gazarov’s name into its database. The terms of the settlement were not disclosed. Gazarov now has a robust 820 credit score. He says he was shocked by Equifax’s refusal to acknowledge his moniker.
The Russian native is a Brooklyn jewelry store owner who is named after his grandfather. He says it’s a relatively common name in Russia.
He told the New York Post he’s relieved that the matter has been settled and he plans to buy a new BMW.
Lawyers for Equifax declined to comment.
- *NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!*
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)! - *THE GRAND FINALE!* Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of
Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver no matter how much power they applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
*Now remember these are all true stories and these people VOTE!
People Are Funny – Ten true stories guaranteed to make you laugh
People Are Funny – Ten true stories guaranteed to make you laugh